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DAY-1
Jun 21, 2015 15:25:39 GMT -5
Post by traumfaengerin on Jun 21, 2015 15:25:39 GMT -5
He..I just made a long post, but then I lost my internet connection, so it was gone... I will rewrite it tomorrow
Anyways: today, 1 month binge free:)
Even though today is a really tough evening - I have a presentation tomorrow morning and do not feel prepared at all. I don't really know how to deal with deadlinestress - I mean, if I have emotional issues, I can myself distract with doing things which calm me down like drawing, and just.. distract me from the urge. But when I really have to be productive it's much worse. Do you know what I mean?
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DAY-1
Jun 22, 2015 1:07:42 GMT -5
Post by Lily on Jun 22, 2015 1:07:42 GMT -5
day 44: everything is in order, going for the smile tomorrow! CONGRATULATIONS !! I know exactly what you mean (as well as I know about already written but lost messages..^^), anyway the urges will fall silent over time in those situations (being productive) if not reactivated! Still collecting ideas to make this as easy as possible. Kathryn wrote about this in one blog, too. Have a nice day and stay the course!
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DAY-1
Jun 22, 2015 16:26:51 GMT -5
Post by traumfaengerin on Jun 22, 2015 16:26:51 GMT -5
Hm, the thing is... the problem is less to resist the urge in that moment, I think my problem is more the being productive part o:) I couldn't find a related post - do you remember the headline of it? Today was a good day - I ate today until feeling really full&satisfied today and finally got rid of the feeling which built up over the weekend when I didn't eat enough. However - monday i weigh myself - and I hate myself so much, that I judge myself for not losing weight instead of being proud of getting rid of this bad habit
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Post by Lily on Jun 23, 2015 0:30:47 GMT -5
day 45: good morning everyone ! let´s stay patient and move forward! I read this some time ago, so I don´t remember where, maybe it was not the post itself but in the comments beneath.
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DAY-1
Jun 23, 2015 23:35:04 GMT -5
Post by traumfaengerin on Jun 23, 2015 23:35:04 GMT -5
Just wanted to let you know, that I'll be on a festival until monday... This is a good thing, as I had a really bad day yesterday. I didn't binge at all, but I properly decided to give in the urge and bought 2 of this really huge cookies they have at the snack bar at our university (I eat mostly vegan and feel pretty uncomfortable with eating unvegan food, this is mainly why it felt bad). But the next days on the festival there should be no room for binging fortunately Hope I'll feel a little stronger again when I am back!
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DAY-1
Jun 24, 2015 0:39:33 GMT -5
Post by Lily on Jun 24, 2015 0:39:33 GMT -5
day 46: we are strong have a good time! see you!
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DAY-1
Jun 24, 2015 14:37:53 GMT -5
Post by revondex on Jun 24, 2015 14:37:53 GMT -5
Hey girls... you are doing great. Have fun @ the festival, Laura:) For the productive part I must say.. I'm exactly the same! But, at the moment I really don't mind. Let's face it that way: I take my time to focus on myself and my recovery, other things have to wait. It might sound ego, but when was the last time I was taking care so much?? The only thing that bothers me (but really shouldn't) at the moment is my weight. My weight pisses me off tbh. I find it difficult to get rid of those feelings, although I should be glad for resisting so many urges and mending this obsessive behavior, but... I don't know, I somehow can't be patient enough. Anyone with me??
Hugs, Dani
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DAY-1
Jun 26, 2015 0:45:04 GMT -5
Post by Lily on Jun 26, 2015 0:45:04 GMT -5
day whatever: hi everyone I understand you very well, I´m just at a loss for words today. Take care
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Post by rainbowbrit on Jun 27, 2015 14:26:24 GMT -5
It's time for me to join this thread. I'm terrified of counting my days, but at this point I feel like getting through one day without succumbing to the urge will be a miracle. I need to sort myself out NOW because I feel like I'm killing myself slowly.
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DAY-1
Jun 27, 2015 14:50:48 GMT -5
Post by revondex on Jun 27, 2015 14:50:48 GMT -5
Hey rainbow...It's good to have you here. Getting through the day is not essential in my opinion. We are here to motivate each other, even after relapse. Our common will to change is crucial here, so if you feel the time is now, you are just doing everything right:)
Been coping with my emotions today and even though food has become quite boring I indulged myself again asserting that it had NO affect, it just gives me nothing. I assume this is good and take it as a positive change.
Stay strong.. hugs, DAni
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DAY-1
Jun 29, 2015 23:24:44 GMT -5
Post by traumfaengerin on Jun 29, 2015 23:24:44 GMT -5
He girls, I am back! Being at the festival eating was more difficult than I hoped, because you are surrounded with so much junk food and people eating the whole time just for pleasure. So I did not binge, but I did eat a lot and junk. But I didn't feel that miserable about it, because I think it is a normal thing to do, as all my other friends did. But coming back to normal eating habit after the festival should be a part of it as well. ... which brings me to the exact point you made revondex - I feel just so unconfortable with my weight. I gained so much weight on these days, I literally could feel my clothes getting tighter and tighter from day to day. The last days was so great weather and everybody was running around in their bikini and I tortured myself with long clothes, because I didn't want to show my ugly, white, fat legs. I am around 10kg over my usual body weight - which is not even what you would call "skinny" but it is okay and I spent most of my life on this weight. This +10kg are really making it more difficult for me to enjoy being bingefree, because I don't have the feeling of... actually feeling more comfortable Regarding the "counting" days - I agree with rainbowbrit that this daycounting is strenghening black-and-white thinking (even though it may work for some people). For myself, in the end I am happy about every day I do not binge/overeat, so I think I will keep it that way: I'll just leave the last days of eating I do no tfeel comfortable with out - but I will not start from zero again. So I just keep on track from day 33 or sth
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DAY-1
Jun 30, 2015 14:13:52 GMT -5
Post by revondex on Jun 30, 2015 14:13:52 GMT -5
hey ho... was nice reading your post, Laura. That's exactly why I isolate myself so much at the moment. Usually I love festivals n stuff, but no, I just can#t do it right now. It's so ridiculous!!! And the summer is finally here! ( Anyway, my eating is pretty good. Thanks God I naturally crave fresh and healthy food and I love seasonal stuff..strawberries, rasberries, Bananas and Potatoes are saving me right now ^^ It#s more like me having issues with myself rather than with food. This is quite new to me. So for the record: Food is really not the problem. Took me some time to realize this. Moreover I stopped counting days as well, it's a release. @lily: curious what ya doin?! Best, Dani
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DAY-1
Jul 1, 2015 9:48:41 GMT -5
Post by traumfaengerin on Jul 1, 2015 9:48:41 GMT -5
Today is a really hot day and my friend welcomed me with "haha, laura, you never get rid off your clothes, don't you?" because I was the only one still wearing tights and a cardigan. It's so depressing that she doesn't mean it in no way personal, but i felt so offended by it and cannot think about anything else than this sentence since she said it.. Apart from that, I mention that I am coming back to my binge habits. The next three weeks are full of exams and as I said, when I have to be productive I feel more like "oh, i have to be disciplined for something else no, I cannot suppress my eating desires now as well, that's just too much" Dani, I know what you mean what you mean with the natural craving - as I wrote - i really LOVE eating heathy, vegan cooking with fruits, vegetables, nuts etc. all the good stuff. It's really not that I have to teach my frontal brain how to eat well (as Kathryn says she still has to learn), but anyways there is the animal brain which is sometimes stronger...
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DAY-1
Jul 1, 2015 13:22:47 GMT -5
Post by revondex on Jul 1, 2015 13:22:47 GMT -5
is cleansing/fasting possible for a recovering bulimic with a rewired mindset???
First of all..Laura, i hear you. Guess what I wore today: long clothes and even a jacket! I feel stupid and so ashamed about my binging earlier this year. So I made notes and wrote down my weighloss and weightgain in numbers for the past years. It turned out that during 2011 and 2015 I had lost AND gained about 30lbs every single fuc*ing year!!! So in total that's 4 times up and down the scales from about 53kg up to 70kg!!!!!!!!!
Isn't that sick? That#s so impossibly sick, omg !!! And here I am now, sick of nearly all types of food. I'm literally feeding myself with a potato and a few greens 2 times a day, it's ok i mean I don't crave processed shit at all and there is no "this will make me thin" thought behind all this. The idea of a cleanse came up this morning and I wondered if i continue this way.. chances are that this would lead me into the next binge cycle, but with my brain rewired idk..could this be possible??
Sorry for bothering you guys with my personal stuff today, but i feel strange:( Any thoughts??
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DAY-1
Jul 3, 2015 13:51:19 GMT -5
Post by revondex on Jul 3, 2015 13:51:19 GMT -5
alright I am on a cleanse/detox whatsoever, because my body told me so as I was listening to it patiently. I do not starve! I make sure to eat when I am hungry, I eat natural foods, mostly raw and stop when I am full!
It took me 3 days to figure out this was not my AV speaking.
Do you guys think I'm crazy? Or am I maybe healing? Anyway, where are you giiirls?? BEEN MISSING YOU!
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