Weightloss and calories

[Deleted]

Hello!
I read the book and I find it helpful! Also I hope that we can all recover from ed!
But I have one problem and question at the same time.
According to this book, it is ok to eat 2000 kcal per day or even more. And when I do it, I find it much much easier to resist the urges. I pretty much don't have them.
But will I actually gain weight? Because all of those calorie calculators advice 1800 kcal per day to remain on the same weight. And suddenly I try to do this. But when I try to reduce my calories, I find it very difficult not to binge and I end up mini-binging.
So, I would be SO grateful to hear your experiences about your calorie intake and weight loss after stopping binging.
Thank you all!

[Deleted]

I don't know if anybody sees this, but if you do, pleeeaaaase type me a short answer. I don't know what exactly to think, and I read so many posts and web pages. And the answers are pretty contradict. So if anybody has some real experience..., I would be so so grateful!

[dennis4766]

Hey Anna - Just swung by forums. Your calorie intake all depends upon age, weight, activity level, etc. Just my experience, I quit counting calories, quit weighing myself. I began eating at regular intervals, and I broadened my scope of safe foods to eat. I include protein with every meal now. If you restrict, it could lead to more survival binging. But if you start taking steps to eat healthier, you will be stronger and better positioned to use the higher brain to surf an urge and stop a binge. I had to let go of the strict control over calories and foods and I gained strength over time. I know the fear of gaining weight. But here I am 1 year after I recognized I needed help and it has been months since I have last binged. I now have more peace and joy, it is so wonderful to live without the binge-beast. You can do this!

[Deleted]

Thank you so much for your reply! I am so happy to hear that it is actually possible to recover and to "live without the binge-beast". I hope to be able to take steps. It is weird that we actually need to learn how to eat again, in order to recover from ed...

[polina]

Hey Anna (and anyone who's reading)! I just thought I'd share my experince on this problem.
First of all, I'd like to note that it is extremely helpful to stop counting calories and weighting yourself (THIS, i think, is one of the most important steps towards recovery). I think you all would agree if I say that most of us who suffer from ED become too dependent on numbers, any excess calorie or any different number on the scales can drive us crazy... When you stop counting, it gets so much easier to live and your mind becomes more relaxed and calm (not at once, but believe me, it really does). And if you stop counting calories and watching your weight on the scales, it doesn't mean you start eating unmeasurable amount of food and gaing weight right away! You still have your conscious mind and eyes that will allow you to portion your food intuitively, based on your needs. Also, you have so much experince of food measuring that you probably know well how a portion that is appropriate for you should look. If you think about it - you already know how much you should eat, even not using scales to measure your food. Well, of course, I'm talking here about the times when you are in your right mind and not consumed by that binge-beast.
As for me, I stopped weighting myself long time ago. Even when I was extremely binging and it was clear that I gained a lot of weight, I didn't weight myself even though I really wanted to know the exact awful number. With time I learned to tell my weight just by the way I feel myself (sometimes I have to be weighted, like at medical examination for university - and I see the number on the scales and it is exactly what I thought to be).
Also I find the concept of weighting yourself quite useless if you are an ordinary human and not a fitness or sport competitor. What has influence on the way we look is the fat and muscle ratio, and that is not something the scales can tell you, they just tell you the useless number.

Anna, I completely feel you with the situation where you want to lose excess weight and obviously you should cut your calorie intake, but when you do it, you just get stronger urges to binge and end up eating too much. I'm the same. This is a huge struggle. But not restricting calories is the ONLY RIGHT THING to do when you are recovering from ED, and this is the concept Kathryn tells about in her book.
I'm not the best person to give advice on such things but I find excercising (any kind) quite helpful. I know, when you eat a good amout of calories (just enough to fuel you on an everage day with average activity) and excercise - you may use more calories than you consumed and it may still count as cutting calories, but for me I find it easier than just eating less. Also I noticed that when you excersice regularly, you begin understand better how much you actually should eat in order to not overeat or not to restrict. I don't know how much excersing you do and I'm not saying that I'm doing great at controlling the binge urges and at weight loss, but I hope what i said here will somehow help Also I'm sure that the more active you are - the better you feel at all costs including binge eating.

[Deleted]

Thank you so much for your reply! I used to work out a lot, but now I don't want to start a gym, because I feel and look to fat and too awful (I gained 9 kilos). But the problem is, I do try not to count calories, but after the years of dieting, it is impossible. Numbers just add and multiply themselves and before you know it, I have a number in my head. And I avoid social events, because I just feel that everybody will notice that my stomach and but are bigger than last time they saw me. People generally don't care, I am aware of that, but somehow, these thoughts won't leave my head. And I already fear going home and meeting my family for Christmas and some other friends, because from skinny bulimic (when I was bulimic, no I am a binger) I went to big-ass. Sorry for writing too much, but I feel so helpless and hopeless and I don't know how to get out of this "you have to lose weight as soon as possible" mindset.

[polina]

Please feel free to write as much as you need and whatever you want - that's why we're here!
What you write sounds so familiar to me - I've been at this exact place. After being a skinny bulimic for quite a long time I tried my best to stop this behavior because i saw it was killing me - i managed to stop purging and ended up with just bingeing and I was gaining weight rapidly. I remember how i was afraid that people (and most awfully - my boyfriend) will see I got so fat, so I severely restricted to lose weight fast. I've been in this circle for 2 times, I guess, when during holidays i visited home and was bingeing much and gained much weight. And you know what... Restricting in order to lose weight hasn't led me anywhere good. Now I'm in my pre-dieting weight and maybe even heavier and I had to put up with people seeing me in this body, with clothes that don't fit, with down-the-floor self-esteem and so on, the list is endless. I want to lose weight but I just can't because whenever I don't allow Myself something, it leads to a binge later. Well. I don't know why I started about this all... I'm not a good example and my thoughts are a mess.
I just want to say that I know for sure: if you want to eat smth that you don't allow yourself to eat - you better eat it now, because it will be worse later. And don't you think about weight. For people who love you it doesn't matter how you look, other people don't worth worrying about.
I feel you about the gym (I'm the exact same). But if you want to go there, you sure should go! Gym is the place where people go in order to look and feel better, and person who spends some good time at gym deserves respect no matter how he/she looks, because working out is not an easy work! If gym is not smth you want to do, then home workouts can do a thing. For me it's hard to make myself exercise at home, but I try. Doing at least something is sure better than doing nothing.
It's ok if you calculate calories automatically (we all tend to do), it's ok if you read nutritional info on the wrappers because you want to know how much you're going to eat. But weighting food is not a good idea, also is calculating the amount of calories you have left before you reach your desired daily intake. It's all ok if it doesn't consume your mind and doesn't get you worried.
Ah, I probably wrote too many things you already know... But let's get it to the point.
Ok, you know you want to lose weight, but as you could notice, making this your goal at the moment is not very effective and there's a high chance of bingeing if you concentrate on losing weight. But if you first work on "eating properly, without binges", you will benefit much from it - you automatically will cut your calorie intake (much or a little bit), also you'll feel mentally and physically better, your mind will get more clear, maybe you'll feel a wish to exercise more, and you'll gain more control and after time you'll be able to think about the things to do in order to lose weight. But don't go very fast with it. Make getting rid of binges your priority and don't hurry with losing weight. The brain is very tricky. Many times I thought I learned to control my actions, but as soon as I tried to restrict somewhere just a little with a thought of losing weight, it got out of control again and led to bingeing.
FIrst when you decide to not restrict any kinds of food, it may seem like you want to eat only junk and sweets. Soon it should pass, but if not - it's better to make yourself eat more real food and your body will learn that real food is better.
I don't know if there's anything useful in what I wrote, but at least you may find smth to think about.
Try to listen to your body and stay calm. There's hope for every one of us. You don't deserve to live with this disorder forever, you have a life to live and enjoy! Write if you need some talk.

[Deleted]

Polina, thank you very much for the reply! I read it several times during past two months, and I really tried to implement your thoughts. The thing that you wrote about exercises "Doing at least something is sure better than doing nothing." helps a lot. Because it is so true, and yet it does not put pressure on me. And I came home for holidays, and as you said, nobody really cared. And I keep telling myself, this weight and this everything is just a process. As it was said in the book and on many bulimia forums I have explored, the weight is not there until we diet it away or exercise it away. It is only there because we keep it there with binges.
And, I mean... I have met people that got rid of drugs issues, alcohol issues, bulimia issues as well, or cigarettes, and they are perfectly fine. It is really just a food and just a habit. I am not competent yet to talk about this, because my recovery process is still ongoing, but now I am sure that I will recover. I will never diet again, I am sure that even with my extra weight now I can go out, socialize, work, study or do whatever I want. It is not necessary to lose weight to start living. It is sure that it will be a better and healthier life with less weight, but it does not have to be so terrible now.