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Post by leezuh on Mar 16, 2013 2:16:33 GMT -5
I first read BOB, then RR, and now I'm reading Taming the Feast Beast and I am still confused. I get that you have free will or free "won't" power... but what does detachment really mean? If I pay attention to something else when I get an urge and just move on as if the urge isn't there... the urge seems to come back stronger in 5-10 minutes. Then at that point I get nervous and start white knuckling it and almost always end up giving up. I don't think that I am consciously arguing with the thoughts... I'm just saying in my head "ok" and not reacting. And yet I still feel that urge to eat everything in site. I think I've been working too much with the CBT to control my binges for this to sink in... I don't know what else it could be. If anyone has strategies for this I would be super grateful! Thanks!
Alisa
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Lynn
New Member
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Post by Lynn on Mar 16, 2013 10:35:53 GMT -5
I get what you are saying- detachment is hard to conceptualize if you have been trying CBT techniques that teach us to analyze the urge and the emotions that supposedly trigger it, destract ourselves with other activities, etc.
Detachment to me is ackowledging that a thought is there, but that it is not really MY thought. It is sort of an attitude of "huh- that's interesting." I can't remember if Kathryn said this, or someone else did. But, it's like when you are at a movie and someone behind you is whispering. If you choose to listen to it and focus on it, it will drive you crazy. But, if you acknowledge in your mind that it is there, but go about your business of watching the movie, it becomes insignificant. The whispering may come and go throughout the movie, but you have chosen to not let it bother you, so it isn't your deal anymore. That being said, I have on occasion asked a person at a theater to "please quiet down." And I have done that to binge thoughts, too. But, in both instances, the noise is coming from something else- either another person or my lower brain. Not the "real me." I get better results with a movie goer if I approach them kindly rather than argumentavely. Same with my lower brain. That to me is detachment. Not always easy to do, though.
When I have "EAT!" urges that keep popping in my head, I have simple phrases that I like to use. Maybe that would be helpful for you, too. They should be non judgmental, and non argumentative. Stuff like, "that's interesting." "that's not me." "not gonna happen." "yeah, right!" "good try....not!" The key is to make it clear in your mind that the urge is not "you" and you don't have to act on it.
Best wishes to you!
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Post by 1whotrots on Mar 16, 2013 11:00:00 GMT -5
Detaching from the urge is the most difficult aspect for me as well. It easy to act loving and kind with myself when I don't have the urge driving/pulling me in a direction to binge. I haven't found convincing myself to fight the urge very helpful because I don't have a significant amount of clock time fighting the urges. What I am doing today is focusing on watching the urges and observing the way they roll in and out of my awareness. I am visualizing being the container for the urges instead of the urges. I am trusting those who have given up this "habit." when they say it gets easier and eventually the urges are just small waves that rise and fall without the need to "ride" them.
I remember having a "habit" with cigarettes some 20 years ago and giving it up. It was tough to fight the urge at first but it did get better. I haven't been able to apply the same idea to my bingeing history for lots of reasons but it is starting to feel the same as giving up that habit.
I am with you on this one so I am just keeping myself focused on the container that I am....hope this helps you.
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Post by leezuh on Mar 16, 2013 14:33:11 GMT -5
Lynn, yes unfortunately the CBT has made me used to thinking that every binge has a very good reason behind it. It has kept validating every binge and I'm trying to change that... it's just now it all seems kind of subconscious. Thank you for that analogy. I've always been kind of a finicky person... like if I hear a ticking clock when I'm sleeping at a friends, I've been known to take it off the wall and move it. Once I hear something or am annoyed by something I rarely can just ignore it and move on. Maybe that's different because I'm sleeping, when I'm awake I can find other things to distract myself from the noise!
1whotrots, thanks for that container idea. I'm going to try that today and see how it goes.
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Post by lychee on Mar 16, 2013 22:55:41 GMT -5
I posted this in another thread, but what helped me separate myself was to first just write down and note the time if each urge. Then I realized there were just a few variations on a few categories. Then I switched to using an app called atimelogger where I just log whenever a thought comes up. After I log it I'm finding it easy to just go back to my day. I think because the act of logging it helps me remember that this thought is not me.
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Post by lychee on Mar 16, 2013 23:04:20 GMT -5
Oh and another thing: I think this was in a blog comment. But the thought that "this is too hard" is just junk too. It's hard for the lower brain. Not hard for your true self. I found this very helpful. And it was one of the first thoughts to go away after I identified it toy self as such. (I'm very new to this, but it went away at least for now after the first day.)
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Post by bingefreebabe on Mar 18, 2013 5:49:08 GMT -5
Right! The lower brain wants what it wants and will throw a tantrum until it gets it. Just like it's bad parenting to train a child that a tantrum works in a toy store (as Kathryn says in her book) you need to detach from the tantrums of the lower brain, which is not "US". So simple and so powerful!
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Post by free226 on Apr 21, 2013 12:55:48 GMT -5
I am so very fortunate in the sense that once I read from Brain Over Binge that I was not my cravings, a switch flipped in me. I had spent a lifetime hating myself over it. All of the self help books I had read over decades only made me feel worse, quite honestly. They made me feel as if I had to figure out all of my issues before I could be binge free. I went for therapy and also under my power I "figured things out". The ironic thing was, even when I figured things out, I still binged!! My "solving the puzzle" that was my life did not turn that switch off. I will probably always have issues with relationships, anxiety, and self esteem, but they are NOT THE REASON I BINGED! The reason I binged was because I was saying "yes" to the lower brain, period.
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Post by lychee on Apr 21, 2013 13:48:18 GMT -5
Free, that's very interesting. Was it easy for you to eat without restriction in the absence if bingeing? I think Kathryn had no real issues with that but some if us are still trapped in a diet mindset.
When I read BOB, I also felt this was the answer and I'd be able to stop bingeing, but it took me two or three weeks to catch the wave I'm riding right now.
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Post by free226 on Apr 21, 2013 14:37:46 GMT -5
In all of my years of bingeing I never restricted, so that has never been an issue for me.
I'm actually surprised I don't weigh 400 pounds, considering how much I binged and then did nothing to compensate for all of those calories. I can see it being a very slippery slope!
You're doing great, Lychee, keep up the good work!
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Post by lychee on Apr 21, 2013 15:22:42 GMT -5
Free, see, I think that's key to implementing BOB. How do you think you got started bingeing if you didn't diet?
I too wonder how I stayed non obese the way I used to binge. 50% of the time I'd be eating 5000+ calories and on off days I'd restrict, but not below 1300 or so, so there's no way in terms of calories it should work out, which jut goes to show there's more to it than numbers...
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Post by free226 on Apr 21, 2013 17:38:29 GMT -5
I started bingeing the very day that my father told me that I was gaining weight and getting heavy. I was just going through puberty and at that physical place where you have a little baby fat that is going to become breasts and hips. I starting bingeing out of sheer spitefulness, and then before I knew it, it was a habit. My father didn't know how to feel about his little girl becoming a woman, and I didn't have the voice or the reasoning skills to realize that just because he said that didn't make what he said true, and that eating to be spiteful was only hurting myself. And then lower brain sure did a great job forging some grooves!
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