12 weeks today!

[lilly]

Well, I have been binge-free for 12 weeks and I am so happy. I don't feel at all like I can take this for granted, and I still get the occasional strong binge urge, but most urges are mild and very easy to dismiss.
This is the longest binge-free period of my adult life (to put that in perspective, I am 50 years old). And it is the longest time without feeling like I am "white-knuckling" my way through.
I am filled with gratitude and at the same time I am keeping vigilant: 12 weeks feels so long and at the same time very very short. I so want this to be permanent.
Would love to hear how others are doing.
Wishing you all strength, courage and hope.

[charlotte]

That's amazing to hear, Lilly! Congratulations and yeah, enjoy it! Was it mainly through reading Kathryn's book that you got to this point? Definitely gives hope to those of us here still struggling

[lilly]

Hi Charlotte,
Thanks for your kind message! For me so far I think it has been the combination of Kathryn's two books as well as practicing mindfulness meditation daily, even if I can only sit for 5 minutes. Meditation practice is totally in sync with the BoB approach to letting go of or dismissing binge urges - getting some distance from them, realizing they are not truly me at my core, and being able to sit with uncomfortable feelings without having to act on them. It's been a pivotal part for me.
I have also made a commitment to work only on my BED for one compete year before taking on any other eating issues I may have (eg. Non-binge overeating, eating too fast, weight gain). That is sometimes really hard - I want it ALL fixed! - but I think it's the only way I can do it.
As I say, this is all "so far". I don't feel like I can say anything more definitive than that. I've tried so many, many things over the years, only to relapse over and over again. So, even though this feels so different, I'm still watching myself very closely.
It is so nice to feel like part of a community. I hope people keep posting here and that we can all continue to support each other.

[charlotte]

Oh, that's wonderful, Lilly! Guess I should get back into mindfulness hey? What practice do you do? And is this the first time you're trying Kathryn's BoB approach? Any mind tricks or sentences in particular that help you push through?

I have such a hard time as well with not falling into the trap of wanting to fix everything at once. As soon as things start to look good I can't help but want everything to be even more "perfect".

Definitely keep us updated, I'm so happy for you!

[lilly]

Ok, apologies for this long post. I think it helps me to write it down...

Charlotte, that perfection trap is such a sticky one isn't it?... I've tried to stick to my plan by having written down (so I can review it any time I waver) my personal binge definition, following KH's advice on how to develop that, as well as my commitment to only work on my BED for one whole year - that's the time frame I chose because it works for me - before tackling anything else. That seems to help me to avoid adding in new challenges, or revising my time line, etc. But I'm still regularly tempted!!

Regarding meditation, I follow a Tibetan Buddhist tradition of shamatha (mindfulness) meditation (see for example Pema Chodron, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Sakyong Mipham, etc). But I think it doesn't really matter, from what I've read, whether you follow a particular tradition. There's lots of breath-focused mindfulness-awareness meditation instruction to be found, some in a Buddhist tradition, some in other traditions, some completely separate from any spiritual practice, all good!

In terms of Kathryn Hansen's work, this is my first time using her method, and I discovered it after I had already been practicing meditation for a year or two, so for me it lined up so much with what I was already doing. It had just never occurred to me that I could apply the same principles to BED like she does. That was revolutionary for me: that I could choose to dismiss binge thoughts, that I had the power to do that, and that I could handle the discomfort of the binge urge without acting on it... crazy but true...

The things that I play in my head that help me dismiss the urges:

- when binge urges arise, I start breathing and consciously relax my muscles. It's amazing how quickly a lot of physical tension builds up in my body with the urge. As soon as I let go of the muscular tension, I find the urge much more tolerable and shorter lasting. KH suggests looking at your hands and telling yourself, _I_ have control over these hands, not my binge urge, _I_ decide what these hands will do. A therapist I had used to say "what we resist, persists" and now I finally understand it. I think the relaxation has helped take away the energy I was using to strenuously resist the urges.
- sometimes it helps to separate the urges from myself by seeing them coming from a character separate from me. So I imagine a little cute but rambunctious monkey that swings from the pantry doors and keeps pointing at the food or pulling my hand toward the refrigerator, etc. This helps me to see that my urges are kind of humorous and maybe even a little pathetic, and so they aren't as compelling.
- I loved KH's exercise to choose some activity that I would never in a million years do, like bungee jumping off a bridge, or standing on a table in a restaurant and singing, and then ponder the fact that there wouldn't be an urge (I think of it as a "sales pitch")powerful enough to overcome my common sense and clear ideas about what is right for me.
- Although I am keeping track of how long I am binge-free, I would not start my count over if I had a binge. For me that would keep building unnecessary tension and suspense. Knowing that I would dust myself off and keep going makes it more calm and peaceful. I have had some moments of overeating that I felt had "shades of binge" in them, but they were not binges, according to my own definition, so I haven't made a big deal out of them, I just move on and forget about it.

Ok enough yammering on. Early days yet for me, but so far these are the things that have been helping. My mantra these days is: patience, gentleness, humour and... it's all no big deal. :-)

Charlotte, how is it going for you? I'd love to hear your story. Hope you're having a good day.
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[nomorebinging]

Thanks for the inspiration Lilly! How are you getting on in general now? Still binge free?