When To Stop Eating

[tom]

Hey guys,

I think I am having some issues with knowing when to stop eating.

At the moment I tend to have 3 filling meals a day and no snacks inbetween.

However sometimes I don't know when is the point to stop.

For example, this morning I had 25g of oatmeal fried with raisins, raspberries, butter and sugar and I added peanubt butter to it when I ate it (http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Stir-Fried-Oatmeal) 

Aftera few bites I had some minor fullness cues but I thought it was too early to be full and I didn't want to stop eating after 2 bites and then be hungry in an hour or so so I ate the portion and then felt kinda hungry so I finished off the peanut butter (there was a tiny amount left in the jar) and I was still hungry so I had 2 bits of a peanut butter bar I made a few days ago. No I am not sure if I have over-eaten, when I had the second slice I thought "lunch is a long way away so I don't wanna get hungry inbetween" 

Maybe this thought is neurological junk that I should be seeing through and I should have stopped after 1 slice or no slices. I didn't really feel out of control though so I don't think it was a binge but it could have been over-eating.

Similar things to this have happened on other days.

What is everyone's opinions? Should I dismiss these thoughts or should I eat untill I am definitely not full?

At what point of fullness should I stop? I know I have read it is my choice but do I stop when I have fullness after 3 bites or do I eat a reasonable portion? How much should I eat?


Also I think I have noticed that my speed of eating during my meals is starting to increase so maybe I should slow it down again, I have downloaded some apps on my phone to help with this. 

I haven't had a traditional binge in about 2 or 3 months which is good  

[charlotte]

Hey Tom

I had the same thing about 2-3 months into not bingeing! I felt confused about when I was or wasn't full, felt full when I had eaten almost nothing, discovered I could actually eat some more without even being full, kept wondering if I was overeating, etc. I think that maybe we just overthink it? Make too big a deal out of it?

I find it hard to give you advice on this as I had trouble with it myself, but logically, I would say to just eat 3 meals and 3 snacks every day, letting their size depend on wat you feel like. Try to keep it a bit regular and don't worry about it too much...

[tom]

Thanks for replying


By the time I get to the end of my meals I feel like I am going to cry because I feel like I have binged. I don't think I have binged though.

I don't know why I feel like this. I think I am still overly obsessed with stopping at the right time when I am having a meal and I don't know when I should stop.

I don't even know why I am still struggling with this as you have all given me such good information and advice about this so I know that there is no perfect stopping point but still I am getting majorly emotionally wound up over this.

[charlotte]

Oh man, I feel ya! Have you ever written down your personal binge definition (back when you were still bingeing)? I got a little lost about "the definition" after being binge free for a while so to make sure that never happens again I wrote one down after my recent relapse.

Binge eating is quickly, obsessively and compulsively overeating with the feeling you can't stop before being uncomfortably full (usually 2000+ calories). The binge is usually preceded by a certain tension and doubt that is relieved through the binge. It's followed by physical discomfort and thoughts/feelings of regret, desperation, sadness, shame, ...

So, I don't know if your binges were anything like this, but for me, to nót have that particular - extreme! - behavior would mean everything. Are you still worried about your weight/body? I always have trouble letting go completely, but as someone who's just relapsed heavily I want to remind you that life without bingeing is só much more beautiful! If you're not having actual binges, that's amazing! I'm jealous of that, I would give everything to get back to that point! Will you try to enjoy it for me, please?

[tom]

I think I could have binged then.

I had lasagne and a bit of a cookie for my dinner but I was still hungry so when I got home I had an apple with chocolate spread and then a bowl of bread and butter pudding with ice cream and then I had another bowl and a bit of chocolate.

Eating was slightly quicker but I wanted to be comfortably full not uncomfortably full

I don't feel that tension or doubt was relieved through it.

I feel some sadness, I don't regret it majorly cos it was only 2 bowls of a pudding I made and I actually felt hungry hence I ate them but I still feel like it was a binge but not a full-on binge.


Sorry to hear about your relapse Charlotte, I hope everything is going well for you now

[tom]

I just feel so gross and disgusting

[tom]

Tonight I just feel so gross and disgusting, I don't know how to get over this.

I think I am over-eating at meals, after them I just feel so gross and disgusting. Maybe I should have less desserts, I have gotten into the habbit of having a dessert with most meals. I just feel so gross and disgusting.

I am not having crazy out of control binges but I am eating over the point of fullness, my brain seems to rationalise it as "the next meal is far away"

I have emigrated and left my copy of BoB in my native country so I can't re-read it which sucks. I am just stuck in this battle I feel like I am gonna cry.

I know that my life isn't over and things could be a lot worse but I just feel so gross, I hate food.

[charlotte]

Aw shit, Tom. Is today any better?

If it is in any way possible, I think you should try to find a way to get the focus off food. What I do now - and what's been working well - is make a clear day planning with work/study/chores time and relaxing time. I imagine my day - or next couple of hours - following my planning vs not following it and instead bingeing, which motivates me to follow the plan I rationally prefer. It makes me focus on what I want to happen and takes my mind off the food a bit. When an urge does come up, I quickly detach from it, the good feeling of doing what I planned to do in the back of my mind. Maybe you could try it? Not in a superserious-spend-tons-of-time-on-it way, but just as a sort of satisfying guideline.

The description of what you ate does sound a bit like a binge, but it's totally up to your own feelings about it. If you ate those things because you actually wanted/needed them, then that's fine. But if you ate them sort of out of frustration or whatever, then it sounds like it'd be useful to address.

I sent you a private message as well, check it out

[tom]

Hey, thanks, yeah I could try that

The thing is I don't really see it as a typical binge as I don't feel like I can't stop, I don't have deep regret and really bad stomach pain and it isn't as much quantitywise.

I don't always feel fully satisfied by my plate of food, hence I have some seconds. Maybe I should make my initial bowl bigger but at the time I think it is best to have a smaller portion and then only have more if I want it.

I have also been doing a lot of reading and research into not-dieting and they say that all that happens if we have a bigger meal is that we are less hungry during the next meal or take longer to get hungry and I think this is true but believing it takes a leap of faith. Of course, this is in the structure of having regular meals. I find it best for me having 3 meals a day where I actually feel full and satisfied and then don't have to worry about food inbetween. I eat when I am next hungry (my next meal)

Lately a lot of meals have had desserts so I am working on this at present.

Maybe I should focus on reaching a point of knowing when I am done with a meal and then refusing seconds.

Cheers for the private message

How are you doing today?

[tom]

I also find it really hard to recognise my fullness during a meal, which I think could be affecting these eating episodes. Obviously it is my choice to eat and I know it and I actually do feel hunger so I dunno....

[charlotte]

Before replying to all else: I think this post by Kathryn might be useful: brainoverbinge.com/?p=203

She talks about how she ate when she stopped bingeing, saying had 3 meals plus 3 or 4 snacks per day. I'm gonna do that as well from now on. I tried to eat completely intuitively before, but it was too confusing and constantly trying to feel my level of fulness made me too preoccupied with eating. Just another suggestion

[tom]

Thanks I have recently looked over quite a few of her posts but not that one so I will give it a read.

--------------------------------------

So I just had breakfast. I had an omelette made with 2 eggs and the filling consisted of courgette, red onion, mushroom, tomato, balsyr, cheddar and bacon, I had it with some lettuce. I started to get full halfway through which was annoying but I guess there was quite a lot of filling so I carried on eating for a bit and then decided to stop. I don't want to give into the AV (addictive voice). I think my having seconds eating episodes could be being fueled by my animal brain as I often get thoughts like "the next meal is far away" and "I may as well fill up so I don't need a snack" and these can be legitimate in some casesbut I don't want them to just be justifications for eating TONNES.

It was a super yummy omelette though.

I have also been keeping a list on my phone of food issues to focus on once I have this eating lots at meals/over-eating in check.

Here is the list:

-Having dessert with nearly every meal and feeling upset about it (I am kinda working on this at the moment, I wasfocusing on slowing down my meals and I was using an app for it but I think this iscausing me more upset so I am focusing on this right now.

- Having seconds and feeling like it is a binge (I am making my first portions slightly more satisfying so I don't need to go for more, obviously thisrequires paying some attention to my fullness as I don't want to overstuff at each meal)

- Spend less time in the kitchen and cooking as I feel guilty about it (This is something I may attempt to do but it isn't my main focus at the moment, if I try to change everything at once then things will get cray cray, I am gonna focus on one habit at a time)

- Have one of my daily meals as a sandwich or akin to a sandwich. (Often I'll have leftovers from theprevious night for lunch or sometimes I cook something for lunch but I think this is slightly excessive so I want to focus on having a sandwich as one of my meals, it also feels less bingey than having cooked meal after cooked meal)

- Having multiple condiments on one meal (I will focus on having one condiment per meal, it is excessive and it feels bingey to have 2, 3 or 4 sauces with one meal

- Using lots of different flavours and ingredients in one meal (for example, with my omelette today I had quite a lot of different veg and 2 types of cheese, in the future I will stick to keeping it simple and have less ingredients in each meal, this could begin in supermarket e.g. buying less variety of food)

- Not eating past point of fullness, this ties in with some aforementioned issues and it links into my current habit of not over-eating at meals (although this could be difficult in times of early satiation but I guess satiation is satiation so if I think I am full, I probably am,even if I have only eaten less than I thought I would)

[tom]

Also, the following is quite useful. Here Kathryn talks about questionable hunger, this is something she has dealt with.

Some people might have some trouble deciphering and trusting true hunger signals at first, because binge eating/purging can definitely skew hunger/fullness and that might take a little while to regulate. When in doubt, I personally erred on the side of eating something when I thought it was true hunger. Like I said in another post, I think I would have driven myself crazy if I would have questioned every hunger signal, or viewed as neurological junk every desire to eat.

Some might worry about following questionable hunger signals though, especially if it frequently escalated into binge eating in the past. Errrin mentions this below, but I've said before that if I were hungry when I thought maybe I "shouldn't" be, I'd often set a mental limit on what I was okay with eating (for example - 1 bowl of cereal, or a sandwich, or a piece of cake...depending on the situation or how hungry I felt). Then, if I still felt unsatisfied afterward and felt an urge to binge creeping in, that's what I labeled the neurological junk (not the original questionable hunger signal).

I knew when I followed those questionable hunger signals that my lower brain would likely use that to try to get what it wanted - a binge - so I was well aware that urges would likely arise and I was prepared for them.

[tom]

So I just had lunch. I had a sandwich and I felt kinda full after half of it but I decided to eat the whole thing as I am currently trying out the "set a pre-determined amount before the meal and eat that" and I am not sure whether I should have ate the whole thing or not.

I pre-decided I could have a banana after my meal if I wanted it but I think I am ok without it.

In the sandwich I had stilton cheese, ham, lettuce, tomato, courgette, red onion, pepper, mushroom, paprika and sage and BBQ sauce. This seems like quite a lot of ingredients for one meal, does it seem excessive to you?

I only had a little bit of each vegetable so it wasn't incredibly bulky but it is still quite lot of things for one sandwich.

I also had it warm in a toasty style so the bread was fried in butter.

[ChrisKl]

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