Post by mary on Jul 1, 2012 11:52:01 GMT -5
Morning Everyone! I'm Mary from Los Angeles, CA, happily reporting that I have not binged in 6 weeks. Each day I am inching closer to that sense of total freedom from a devastating and destructive behavior.
Here is my success story. I began restrictive dieting in the months preceding my wedding 21 years ago, never having dieted before. I didn't even need to diet then, but bought into the whole American cultural belief that skinnier is better. I joined Weight Watchers but really just used it as a basic outline for weight loss. In truth, I did not exercise at all then, just ate a restricted amount of calories. I lost 15 lbs in 3 months and was starving all of the time. I remember standing at the alter saying my vows with my husband and daydreaming about the wedding cake I planned to inhale later that night.
And so began years of dieting and overeating. It only became binging several years later when I stopped caring about my weight and binged to just escape from sadness and grief when my mother was dying of cancer. Some months after her death I rejoined Weight Watchers and began the whole diet/overeating cycle again. But by then my brain had gotten used to bingeing and so that pattern took hold. I binged and dieted constantly for many years until I began to really see the toll it took on my life.
As time went on, not bingeing, recovering from a binge, setting up challenges with myself or with on line support groups not to binge, reading about bingeing, going to therapy for bingeing, keeping a journal to explore why I was bingeing, learning to meditate so I wouldn't binge - all began to consume my life so that every day was about bingeing. I didn't binge that frequently, maybe every 2 weeks or so, but it was so destructive to me both physically and emotionally that it slowly consumed my every waking thought. Dreadful!
Then several months ago I read an article in a health newsletter about a newly published book by Jeffrey Schwartz, MD and Rebecca Gladding, MD, both of UCLA, called "You Are Not Your Brain: The 4-Step Solution For Changing Bad Habits." For years I had been reading about more and more studies linking neural pathways to habit behavior. It just seemed to make sense, more than the therapy I was engaged in, more than the support groups I joined, more than everything I was reading about eating disorders. I bought the book and from there, with more research, found Kathryn's book. Suddenly, I figured it out. My bingeing always felt so alien, so NOT me, as if I were temporarily possessed by a force living inside of me, but not me. After discovering the UCLA doc's book and Kathryn's book, I knew I had found the answer.
I have read Kathryn's book 3 times, each time gleaning more clarity and insight about binge eating. I did binge 3 times after reading it initially, not having fully grasped how to disengage from the urge to binge. I fought back with arguments and fell into the same trap of exhaustion that fighting always brought on and let the binges happen. Finally I emailed Kathryn asking for more direction. She offered a great example which is also cited in her blog entry from June 2012 called Tips For Beginners. She wrote that disengaging from the urge to binge is like disengaging from a futile argument. You know it is pointless to argue, it is pointless to even get riled up - you just notice the voices, you are aware of the person arguing, you stay completely detached. I also found my own example of detachment which proved to be equally helpful for me as Kathryn's. I imagine sitting in a movie theater hearing voices all around me. I am aware of the conversations but do not pay them any attention. I know if I did I would have emotions about the discussions, perhaps even want to jump in, or maybe fume over some opinion I don't agree with, or want to engage in something entertaining. But if I remain simply aware but not not engaged, it just becomes an experience of just being there in the moment.
It has now been 6 weeks since I last binged. The first 3-4 weeks the urge to binge was lurking in the background constantly. I employed the technique of detachment and not once did the urge grow strong enough to even scare me. In the past 2 weeks, the urge to binge has been no more than a whisper, growing fainter every day. The fear of bingeing still is present, but I see this is also a part of my animal brain, one of those voices doing its best to convince me to just give in because I probably will someday anyway. No, no, no. Not true. I have learned to eat like a normal person without bingeing, my weight is leveling off, I have encountered former binge scenarios without trouble, such a being home alone, eating candy, being in my car, being tired. There are still a few binge scenarios I have not experienced that bring up that flutter of fear, such as parties, vacations and going to the movies. But as each day passes binge free, I feel more confident that even those scenarios are unimportant.
Today, right this moment, I have spent the morning alone in my house as my husband it out. I am in the middle of good book. And I did not binge. This is a HUGE accomplishment - to be alone at home, to be reading a book, not to binge. And it was a no brainer, not a struggle, not a fight, just simple easy pleasure.
Kathryn's method works, it truly does. I have my life back after 21 years of dieting, overeating and binge eating. Amazing. Thank you, Kathryn!
Here is my success story. I began restrictive dieting in the months preceding my wedding 21 years ago, never having dieted before. I didn't even need to diet then, but bought into the whole American cultural belief that skinnier is better. I joined Weight Watchers but really just used it as a basic outline for weight loss. In truth, I did not exercise at all then, just ate a restricted amount of calories. I lost 15 lbs in 3 months and was starving all of the time. I remember standing at the alter saying my vows with my husband and daydreaming about the wedding cake I planned to inhale later that night.
And so began years of dieting and overeating. It only became binging several years later when I stopped caring about my weight and binged to just escape from sadness and grief when my mother was dying of cancer. Some months after her death I rejoined Weight Watchers and began the whole diet/overeating cycle again. But by then my brain had gotten used to bingeing and so that pattern took hold. I binged and dieted constantly for many years until I began to really see the toll it took on my life.
As time went on, not bingeing, recovering from a binge, setting up challenges with myself or with on line support groups not to binge, reading about bingeing, going to therapy for bingeing, keeping a journal to explore why I was bingeing, learning to meditate so I wouldn't binge - all began to consume my life so that every day was about bingeing. I didn't binge that frequently, maybe every 2 weeks or so, but it was so destructive to me both physically and emotionally that it slowly consumed my every waking thought. Dreadful!
Then several months ago I read an article in a health newsletter about a newly published book by Jeffrey Schwartz, MD and Rebecca Gladding, MD, both of UCLA, called "You Are Not Your Brain: The 4-Step Solution For Changing Bad Habits." For years I had been reading about more and more studies linking neural pathways to habit behavior. It just seemed to make sense, more than the therapy I was engaged in, more than the support groups I joined, more than everything I was reading about eating disorders. I bought the book and from there, with more research, found Kathryn's book. Suddenly, I figured it out. My bingeing always felt so alien, so NOT me, as if I were temporarily possessed by a force living inside of me, but not me. After discovering the UCLA doc's book and Kathryn's book, I knew I had found the answer.
I have read Kathryn's book 3 times, each time gleaning more clarity and insight about binge eating. I did binge 3 times after reading it initially, not having fully grasped how to disengage from the urge to binge. I fought back with arguments and fell into the same trap of exhaustion that fighting always brought on and let the binges happen. Finally I emailed Kathryn asking for more direction. She offered a great example which is also cited in her blog entry from June 2012 called Tips For Beginners. She wrote that disengaging from the urge to binge is like disengaging from a futile argument. You know it is pointless to argue, it is pointless to even get riled up - you just notice the voices, you are aware of the person arguing, you stay completely detached. I also found my own example of detachment which proved to be equally helpful for me as Kathryn's. I imagine sitting in a movie theater hearing voices all around me. I am aware of the conversations but do not pay them any attention. I know if I did I would have emotions about the discussions, perhaps even want to jump in, or maybe fume over some opinion I don't agree with, or want to engage in something entertaining. But if I remain simply aware but not not engaged, it just becomes an experience of just being there in the moment.
It has now been 6 weeks since I last binged. The first 3-4 weeks the urge to binge was lurking in the background constantly. I employed the technique of detachment and not once did the urge grow strong enough to even scare me. In the past 2 weeks, the urge to binge has been no more than a whisper, growing fainter every day. The fear of bingeing still is present, but I see this is also a part of my animal brain, one of those voices doing its best to convince me to just give in because I probably will someday anyway. No, no, no. Not true. I have learned to eat like a normal person without bingeing, my weight is leveling off, I have encountered former binge scenarios without trouble, such a being home alone, eating candy, being in my car, being tired. There are still a few binge scenarios I have not experienced that bring up that flutter of fear, such as parties, vacations and going to the movies. But as each day passes binge free, I feel more confident that even those scenarios are unimportant.
Today, right this moment, I have spent the morning alone in my house as my husband it out. I am in the middle of good book. And I did not binge. This is a HUGE accomplishment - to be alone at home, to be reading a book, not to binge. And it was a no brainer, not a struggle, not a fight, just simple easy pleasure.
Kathryn's method works, it truly does. I have my life back after 21 years of dieting, overeating and binge eating. Amazing. Thank you, Kathryn!
